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  Conversation LeaderJosh (Social Media Pastor)

  Hello and welcome to The Conversation; a space designed to help you continue the dialogue from the weekend service. The devotion was written with you in mind. Read it at your own pace, download, and really dig in. Share this page with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, and let’s get this conversation going!

  587 days ago +51

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  Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

  I find myself to be the type of person who is attracted to people that I would want for a lifetime friend. It is partially my personality, but it is also because I want to be surrounded by those who challenge me.
  I have three girls, two of which are teenagers…friendships are kind of a big deal at this age. I always tell my girls that a good friend is someone who makes you want to be a better person. First of all, if I speak it to them, I must believe it and practice it as well. Second of all, I want to be that example to others. It makes me strive to be that better person.

  I have recently been reading through the Bible chronologically. Awhile back, I was reading through the book of Job. Wow, did he have some poor choices of friends! Sometimes, like in Jobs case, linking arms with the wrong people can make things a lot worse. In Ephesians 4:29 it says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful, building others up according to their needs, that is may benefit those who listen”. I find it best to walk arm in arm with those who encourage me to want to be more like Him!

  587 days ago +37

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  CathyM

  Normally I do church on Saturday evenings, but this weekend I had a family Thanksgiving dinner to attend so I ended up going to the 11:30 service in Plymouth Sunday morning. My usual people had already been there so as I walked into the church I wondered where I would sit. Suddenly before me was a friend from my missions trip team. He was on camera, so I ended up sitting with his wife, who is also a friend from the team, then having a bite to eat in the cafe with them afterwards. I commented to her after service that she and her husband are exactly the type of people I want to invest more in and have invest more in me. She smiled and said that she was thinking the same thing. We seem to be on the same wavelength on a lot of things.

  What a blessing it was to be able to run into my friends and share time like that. God knew exactly what he was doing. I am thankful that God has led me to NorthRidge and for all the friends he has planted in my path. I have made a lot of friends, good solid Heart Family Friends, and for that I am forever grateful. Josh, thank you for being the Social Media Pastor and for challenging us throughout the week to grow in our walk. We truly do have an amazing team leading us at NRC. Thank you Abba Father, for the wonderful church family You have planted me in. I am simply blessed!

  Happy Canadian Thanksgiving one and all!

  587 days ago1 Reply +57

  • 

    Conversation LeaderJosh (Social Media Pastor)

    in reply to CathyM

    It’s truly a blessing to me to get to watch everybody grow in this online atmosphere. What a great story! Thanks so much for sharing it. Talk about instant application!

    587 days ago

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  Jessica

  I think “wrong friendships” appeal to our rebellion. The “right friendships” are a gift from God.
  I have been blessed with both. The wrong friendships have taught me to recognize my weakness, and to desire something true. I have been fortunate to walk away from some destructive friendships fairly unscathed. The right friendships in my life are precious. They have revealed the best in me, and encouraged me in my walk with the Lord. They have been with me through good times and hardship. We have cried together, and laughed ourselves silly. It is my desire and prayer to always strive to be as good a friend as my dearest friends have been to me. The greatest example of true friendship of course is Jesus.

  “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.” John 15:12-14

  587 days ago2 Replies +58

  • 

    Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

    in reply to Jessica

    Jessica I love your first comment about the “wrong friendships” appealing to our rebellion. So true. I think having the “wrong fiendships” also has to do with our self esteem, as well as, like Brad said not truly knowing who we are or who we want to be.

    587 days ago

  • 

    Jessica

    in reply to Jessica

    I just have to add… most of the closest friendships I have have been forged through Small Groups, MOPS, and Ladies Bible Studies. The best relationship is built apon “THE ROCK”.

    587 days ago

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  lisa

  After the talk Saturday, I put alot of thought in my friends and found I really don’t have any. I spend all my free time with my family. Should I be looking for friends?

  587 days ago6 Replies +46

  • 

    Jessica

    in reply to lisa

    Family is something we are born into. In some cases, family is associated often with an unconditional, love ya no matter what relationship. Family is often safe, and unhidden.

    Friendship can be scary. It is often very revealing. Friends are a gift. If we ask God to bring the right friends into our life, He will. And it’s in those relationships, where our true character is revealed and challenged. The right friends make us better. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

    There are both FAMILY, and FRIENDS. I pray you can find joy in both. God bless!

    587 days ago

  • 

    Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

    in reply to lisa

    I spend a lot of time with my family as well Lisa. I think its definitely valuable to have friends outside of your family. i would search out friends that value family as much as you do. Connetcted to what Brad said this weekend as you choose your friends make sure that you choose friends who are Godly and will be encouraging to you.

    587 days ago

  • 

    Conversation LeaderJosh (Social Media Pastor)

    in reply to lisa

    Lisa, I have the tendency to fall into the same boat. I have a young child and I feel as though all my time should be spent with him and my lovely wife. However, both of us have realized that if we don’t have friends outside our family then we begin to lose perspective on our marriage, become unhealthy as people, and generally, our marriage ends up suffering. So, even though it means we spend less time with each other than we could, it makes the time we DO spend together so much better. Branch out into a small group, etc; you’ll really be glad you did.

    587 days ago

  • 

    Holly

    in reply to lisa

    I feel like this is a choice for you to make. My husband and I have been together since high school. I disagree with those that say you need friendships outside of your family. It does take time away from family outings and leaves 1 parent to do the work of 2. In our 23 years together we have both (we’ve spoke of this) agreed that we like spending time with each other and aren’t interested in complicating things by adding other friendships. If you are happy and fulfilled like us, don’t worry about trying to develop other friendships.

    585 days ago

  • 

    Gary

    in reply to lisa

    Lisa, I spend a lot of time with my wife and girls. We are relatively new to NRC but we know (having a church background) that there’s more to “church-life” than simply coming and going. There’s that element of connecting. There’s a saying, “a man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package”. True that family comes first, however because we were designed for relationship and church defined boils down to relationships I would encourage you to plug in somewhere. It takes faith to step out and trust in God. If I ONLY focused on my family, how could/would God use me to influence someone else’s life to help spur one another onward towards life and godliness? I would only be staying in my comfort zone with my arms crossed.
    God bless you as you wade through this journey. We’re all in this together.
    Gary

    584 days ago

  • 

    Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

    in reply to lisa

    Hey Lisa, just so ya know… what Holly stated is absolutely not what God intended…and not what He would approve or want for us. The good news, Holly has a dynamic relationship with her husband. The bad news, its all about them and Lord help them when & if something bad happens. It’s not a good example to the kids, to those who they can serve. God never said to serve yourself and shut out the rest of the world. Where would we be if the Godhead decided – we have no need for anyone but us… and yes that does matter because Chrsit Follower are to refect His nature… which is to serve, reach out, be in community and light in darkness…

    583 days ago

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  Bernie R

  Wow did I feel that this talk was written for me, one of my biggest struggles lately is with the friends that have been in my life for many years. While I was “religious” these were great relationships and people I loved to share my life with. Now that I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, these relationships are strained, they don’t fulfill me nor do they challenge me to be a better person. These aren’t “bad” people, they just don’t understand what I have found and how my life has been impacted by this personal relationship with my Savior and they are not interested in trying to understand.

  I currently have stronger ties and spend more “quality” time with members of my small group than I do with all of these old friends. I continue to pray about it and for them, but at this point they seem to have no interest to know the Lord and it seems that my inner circle is completely changing by attrition. While this is sad in some ways, it Glorious in others!

  587 days ago3 Replies +35

  • 

    Val Waldron

    in reply to Bernie R

    I hear you. The hardest part for me so far has been loosening my hold on friendships with lovely people that just aren’t walking the same way I am spiritually. It’s easier when someone is clearly not a good influence, but when it’s someone who is generally a good person, it can be hard to take a step back.

    But I know that in order to make room for people who can walk beside us in our spiritual paths, we need to make time and room in our hearts for new friendships, so in the end it’s worth it!

    586 days ago

  • 

    Gary

    in reply to Bernie R

    True Bernie! The difficult part is trying not to cut off those old friendships entirely so that there’s still an avenue for God to use you in those old friendships. I encourage you (as we all struggle with this) to not become an isolationist and forget about those old friends. God has a purpose for those friendships and He wants to use you to influence them. How about inviting them to Glory of Christmas?

    584 days ago

  • 

    Bernie R

    in reply to Bernie R

    Gary, thanks for your response, I am not cutting off my old friends, I just no longer share “life” with them like I used, I do still share “things” with them, but I tend to do “life” with my small group now.

    I did invite some of them to GOC 3 years ago, only one couple accepted and said they loved it and then turned us down last year and again this year, but we keep trying. Have a blessed day!

    584 days ago

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  Kirk Stevens

  It can be very difficult choosing your friends. Remember what Jesus said in Mark 2:17 as he dined with, so called, sinners. If we only hang around believers we may not be doing God’s work. However, we can’t allow non-believers to influence us. It has to be the other way around. It is the sick that need healing not the healthy. And, what about “love your enemy”? It can be just too easy and comfortable to hang around believers all the time.

  587 days ago1 Reply +33

  • 

    Pastor Wayne - NRC Community Care Pastor

    in reply to Kirk Stevens

    Kirk I agree…and if we purpose our lives to be Christlike we will serve Him by loving, leading & serving others to HIm.

    587 days ago

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  Pastor Wayne - NRC Community Care Pastor

  How many of us heard Brad’s talk this weekend and thought: “If I only if I would have heard that talk when I was a kid!? or “If only I would have taught those principles to my kid(s)?” The account of David and Jonathan is an example of true biblical friendship. True friendship, according to the Bible, involves loyalty, sacrifice, compromise, and yes, emotional attachment.

  587 days ago +39

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  Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

  It is so important to develop relationships and especially friendships. I view friendships as relationships where we serve and are served. To me this is so important in friendships. The Bible describes true friendship as seeking the other’s well being. It may not be easy to develop close friendships; sometimes it takes an extended period of time. It is well worth the investment! When solid friendships are formed, especially the way God intended, all those involved will find themselves blessed.

  587 days ago +40

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  Pastor Wayne - NRC Community Care Pastor

  I read Bernie’s thoughts above and it took me back. Years after I became a Christ Follower I realized how not getting closer to my spiritually mature friends cost me dearly. My attitude – ATTITUDE – was wrong – I chose to stick around what was comfortable to me. SO for those who are doing that now… this is your time to change. I am not saying dump your friends, I am saying make new friends who will walk that path that will leading you to a stronger relationship with Christ. BTW – its good to lose friends you know you’re not the one who is going to influence them to Christ – at least not now where you are. SO – move on… get over it – it could be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

  587 days ago +31

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  Rebecca

  I think Brad hit the nail on the head with this weekend’s talk. I have always believed that you must surround yourself with people who will challenge you to be better. I feel that God puts people in your life for a period of time to better everyone involved. When that relationship no longer betters you or the other person, it is time to determine where you want to be and who you want to be there with. So, the question becomes, how do you remove yourself from a relationship that is not leading you to be the person you want to be? That’s a hard question. What if those relationships are with family members? Do you just attempt to remove yourself?

  587 days ago2 Replies +46

  • 

    Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

    in reply to Rebecca

    Rebecca, you are right when you say you have to determine who you truly want to be. If, after you determine that, you find that you need to move on and you need to put distance between yourself and that family member, I really believe the best approach is to be honest with them. In doing so, you may find that they themselves realize they aren’t who they want to be either.It could be a growing experience for them as well.

    587 days ago

  • 

    Kirk

    in reply to Rebecca

    The best way to influence a non-believer is by example. Non-believer’s will instantly accuse you of being a bible thumper, a holy roller, a Jesus freak, and on, and on. You must find their achilles.heel. This may take a long time, but God will allow us the time. Show them how great it is to believe, show them your smile and your positive outlook. They will wonder why things don’t seem to bother you, and they will want a piece of what you have. The worst thing you can do is preach at them. Sometimes you have to wait until they come to you, but, give them a reason to come to you. It is human nature to want to convert everyone just by revealing the truth to them, but that isn’t enough. The secular world is working on them every minute and sometimes we have to wait until they lose faith in that world, then jump in, with a smile and an answer. I urge you not to walk away from family members, be a good example why they should listen to you, and be very patient.

    587 days ago

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  Pastor Wayne - NRC Community Care Pastor

  The? What if those family relationships are with family members? Agreed – this is a hard question. However, I can’t tell you how many couples & famlies lives have been devistated because of the terrible behavior of a loved one. I have had countless wives, husbands, children in my office in tears when we finally got to a breaking point when they admitted they needed to break away from harmful and too often dangerous family ties. Too often people will bury their God given sense thinking they can fix that family member and all the while they’re getting the shaft. Who are you glorifying then?

  587 days ago1 Reply +51

  • 

    Amy

    in reply to Pastor Wayne - NRC Community Care Pastor

    Thank you for that Pastor Wayne. I too struggled for years with those family members who really did not support me and actually made me feel very inadequate. I wasted too much time thinking that something was wrong with me, when actually it was their issue. I had such a great sense of peace when I finally accepted the fact that I could not change who they are. I now try to surround myself with people who bring only positive and supportive roles into my life.

    587 days ago

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  Michele

  I’ve been struggling with a few relationships since becoming a Christian as well. As Bernie said “Now that I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, these relationships are strained, they don’t fulfill me nor do they challenge me to be a better person,” I find myself in these types of friendships also and am not sure what to do about them. I’m sure that two of these friends wonder why I avoid them but I just don’t know how to tell tehm that I’ve grown and no longer want to waste my time gossiping about others, which is all it seems they want to do. Any suggestions?

  587 days ago +38

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  Gail Neal

  I had a huge DUUUUHH moment listening to Saturday’s talk. While I was blessed with several great friends in the past, they all live very far away now and have very little influence on my day to day life. I’m careful to avoid to non-healthy friendships, but I guess I’ve been waiting for healthy friendships to just happen. It never once occurred to me to ask God to send healthy friendships into my life. Talk about dumb and dumber — oops, sorry — wrong movie.

  587 days ago +53

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  Tammie

  This talk was spot on for me. While I have many very good..loyal and trustworthy friends they are not always the best choice to be around, I have been struggling with this for years.About a year ago my husband and I joined a small group. At first I thought..those people are “not my type”. After just a few meetings we all started becoming more than just Small Group Friends. Today I am blessed to have great friends that I can surround myself with. We go out..hang out..and support each other in so many ways. Saturday night I had the greatest feeling..here sat three of us couples from small group grinning and knowing we were right where we were supposed to be..I think I just did a commercial for Small Group…lol

  587 days ago +42

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  Kirk Stevens

  I read that many believers want to disassociate with their past friends and just be around believers. This is just too easy. Christianity will become stagnant in that situation. I have friends that are non-believers. They look at me funny when I mention Jesus, or when I quote scripture. I cannot give up on them. If I did, who would bring them to the truth? They won’t allow me to jam it down their throat, so I have to deliver it a little bit at a time. We must not alienate them, we must put on God’s armor (Ephesians 6:11) and march in his defense. But, do it intelligently and with a lot of patience. If we plant the seed, God promises to do the rest. We can’t plant seeds if we’re not in the field. Jesus warned us that we would be persecuted because of his name (Matthew 24:9), we need to be aware of that when we approach a non-believer. If we are willing to lose that person as a friend anyway, what do we have to lose? Family members are different than friends. We need to show them the great life God has given us , be an example of how great it is to be a believer, they will come around in good time. Show them love, show them compassion and, especially show them how Christ has changed you.

  587 days ago1 Reply +42

  • 

    CathyM

    in reply to Kirk Stevens

    Kirk, Brad didn’t say we had to give up on our non-christian friends. He was talking about our intimate friends, those closest to us. We need to make sure that those who are closest to us, who know us the most, who have the greatest ability to impact our lives, that those friends are good godly friends who can help us to become more of the men and women God has created us to be.

    I am glad to hear that you are being a light in the darkness to those around you. That is exactly what Jesus did, and what He wants us to do. Just be cautious that those non-believers don’t become a stumbling block to your faith.

    Keep up the good work!

    587 days ago

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  B

  This talk did make us think we haven’t made new ‘close’ friends in a long time. But even being involved with small groups doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll meet people you can really connect with. For us, making close friends means connecting on at least a couple levels. What to do?

  587 days ago2 Replies +39

  • 

    Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

    in reply to B

    B, Have you considered joining a serving team? Sometimes that is a great way to find a connection.

    586 days ago

  • 

    Pastor Wayne - NRC Community Care Pastor

    in reply to B

    Hey B I have a friend that tried at least 6 Small Groups until he found one that he really connected to and now he has life long friends. He tactfully bowed out of the other groups… and just let those SG leaders know he was simply checking out different groups. He really didn’t offend anyone. SO… that’s one idea… besides Renee’s very wise idea of serving. You should be doing that anyway and you probably are

    586 days ago

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  Scott

  as my journey with Christ has been short, 5yrs. I have been involved with several small groups, lifeshare, started serving in the church recently. lifeshare was a great place, for me anyways, to take a next step after accepting Christ again 5 yrs ago. but one of the leaders had touched base a lil on this topic, he put it as, bad company corrupts good character, and i was trying to relate this to a friend of mine i think just last friday, and it was kind of nice to be able to go to church and be affirmed i am doing something right for once, as i have made a number of mistakes in my life, i know that I have been forgiven and that I am on the right road to a better life and have become a better friend to others and that to me is a great place to start, is to be the right friend or the kind of friend you want to have, and it sure helps to have positive influences in your life. God bless you all

  587 days ago +49

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  Matt Thisse

  Comment

  587 days ago +40

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  Carol

  Sometimes we jump into relationships far too quickly because of our own needs at the time. If we would spend more time with God who allows us to understand more about ourselves we would make better choices since he has our best intent in mind. He wants the best for us in all areas of our lives including relationships so go to God first before seeking relationships and ask for his guidance.It is more wise to refrain from relationships if we ourselves are dealing with lifes issues that may hinder us in relationhip so go to God first and let him lead and direct you. He will deliver when he knows that you are sincere. He is the ultimate friend!!!!!!!!!!!!

  587 days ago +40

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  Ronald Ponkey

  I bow a knee today before the Lord and thank him for blessings I DO NOT deserve! He continues to bless my professional skills and gives me guidance in my personal life…WITH FAITH YOU CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS…I am with God’s HELP moving the mountains in my life. THANK YOU LORD…YOUR WILL BE DONE IN MY LIFE….IN YOUR SERVICE

  586 days ago +42

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  Ronald Ponkey

  It is so difficult to live with a Non Christian Wife….I look with envy at the couples who are united in Christ…for me Life is lonely….I pray daily she will either find Christ or I will have another opportunity to have a Christian spouse in my life….fighting the loneliness is hard…but my faith is in Christ…I don’t know where he is leading me but I will follow….I love the people at Northridge….I need the people at Northridge….LIFE WITH JESUS IS BETTER!

  586 days ago2 Replies +42

  • 

    Chris A.

    in reply to Ronald Ponkey

    The best thing you can do is focus on your walk with God and become an expert at living your life with excellence. Live a life that she will stand back and go “Wow THAT’S class” and she will naturally wonder where it came from…and THAT’S your cue.

    586 days ago

  • 

    B

    in reply to Ronald Ponkey

    Ronald, live with patience, God is good. He brought my husband around. I just tried to live right, patiently, loving, trusting God and it happened and it’s wonderful. It didn’t happen overnight though. Hang in there, one day at a time, that’s my motto. I feel your loneliness … lean into God. Blessings to you. It’s worth the wait.

    585 days ago

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  Ronald Ponkey

  Comment

  586 days ago +41

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  Ronald Ponkey

  I welcome all replies…I am new at Northridge so I look forward to making more friends there..more…ha…any….GOD BLESS.

  586 days ago2 Replies +35

  • 

    Jennifer

    in reply to Ronald Ponkey

    I think you are clearing a huge hurdle by coming to church, being faithful, and being willing to search out people with whom you can surround yourself. I, too, am married to a non-believer, though he does occasionally come to NRC with me and is happy that our kids are actively involved at church. I know what you mean about being envious of couples who are able to share their walk with Jesus. It is hard, yet it also affirms my faith for me. It takes strength to stand for and stay strong in my love for Jesus; nobody said it would be easy.

    I would also suggest you look around for a small group. I was a little freaked out when I first went (several years ago), but it truly did change so many things for me. I am a group leader now, and have to say that the ladies I am doing life with support me, challenge me, love me and make me a far better person than I would be without them.

    I guess what I want you to know is that you are not alone. You are at an amazing church with fantastic people who will give you exactly what you need. Just reach out a little bit, and I am sure you will have tons of support. God bless you, Ronald.

    586 days ago

  • 

    Bernie R

    in reply to Ronald Ponkey

    Hi Ronald, as Jennifer suggested, small group is a great place to get to know Christian friends and get some support and accountability on your walk. The small group team is putting together a bunch of men’s small groups right now for an 11/11/11 kick off. Now would be a great time to get involved. Good luck and God bless!

    585 days ago

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  Kyle Daubenmeyer

  This is all really good stuff! For me, I resonated with the last bit of this devotional where it talked about people challenging us… I can remember a point in my life a few years ago, right after I got married, when I looked around at my circle of friends and realized that I had zero non-Christian friends. This really bothered me, so I prayed a ton that God would bring unbelievers into my life. I didn’t have intentions of being a hero, or to try to “convert” them, but I just wanted people in my life who saw the world differently that I did.

  Sure enough, God allowed my wife and I to move to an apartment right next door to an individual who fit my prayer description very well! His name was John and he was a rapper who grew up in Detroit. My first few encounters with him were scary to say the least, as it usually involved me going to his apartment and asking if he could turn his music down, all the while being intimidated by him and his friends who can snap me in half very easily!

  It was so cool, because over a few weeks of living there, and after I had gotten over the initial fear, I was really starting to get close to John. There was one night where I was at his apartment and talking to him about life, and he was talking about his struggles, which was followed by the words “…and that’s why I don’t believe in God”. WOW! This was my opportunity…

  It’s funny because that conversation and many others after didn’t really go as I had planned. In fact, John started to ask me tough questions about my God – - questions that I was not equipped to answer! Every time he did though, I humbly told him I didn’t know the answer but would research it and get back to him. And sure enough, I would. Over time it started to feel as though John asked me these tough questions because he was wrestling with them himself.

  Needless to say, over time I started to realize that this non-Christian had probably helped me even more than I helped him! He fueled a flame within me to draw closer to God. I also started to see the things that a non-Christian would be struggling with about my faith, which only helped me to define these foundations I had built my life upon. So, today I am thankful that God allowed me to meet John the rapper, since it only challenged me to become a better man & Christ follower.

  586 days ago1 Reply +31

  • 

    Kirk Stevens

    in reply to Kyle Daubenmeyer

    That’s a great story. That is what Christianity is all about!!!

    585 days ago

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  Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

  In response to Ronald, and the issue of having a non-christian wife.
  I would encourage you to do 3 things…
  1. Continue to grow in your spiritual life. God will use the change in you.
  2. Try to nurture your relationship with your wife.
  You married her for a reason, try to build on those things and what you have in common.
  Don’t focus on the friction between you, even though you may be hurting on the inside.
  As a Christian you are held to a higher standard, you have the Holy Spirit in you to help you do hard things, which often times will include reaching out to your non-believing spouse. In Romans 12:18 it says “as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

  3. Find a mentor. Someone who is a safe person, that will help you put things into perspective and not turn you away from your spouse. Someone who will help you pray for them.

  Finally, If you are feeling like you are loosing hope, pray pray, pray, in James 5:16 it says the prayers of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

  ‘til death do us part’ is probably something you said during your wedding vows. Stay faithful to those vows! Romans 12:12, Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

  586 days ago +33

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  Jim H.

  After hearing Brad’s talk on friends, I was moved to e-mail several people of whom I thought were great choices for friends. These folks are all people of whom I think I would be making a good choice if I were to encourage their friendships. However, I noticed there were more people in my e-mail address book that DIDN’T get this type of inviting friendship e-mail from me than there were folks who I honestly think would be good friends.

  I personally don’t have any problem weeding out people who have a questionable character or who seem to be the type of person that would drag me down in life. That assessment doesn’t usually take very long to figure out. Brad is right, we need the right knid of people in our inner circle of life. Because of life’s changes, a brutal divorce in 2002, moving to Michigan shortly after, a decision to walk closer to Christ, and along that path toward God, a breaking of a 26-year-old drug addiction… I have had a total re-vamping of my social structure and friend-scape already. I am learning to make better choices for friends, but I’m still steeped in pain, and I spend almost all of my time in isolation. I just have nothing in common with the friends I had made 9-10 years ago. So, by ripping my life up by the roots, then shaking the tree in an unexpected way, many of those dirt clods have fell off the foundation of my life.

  God brought me to Northridge, and no I can actually grow for the first time in my life. Thank you Jesus, for the nail prints in your hands… shedding your blood for me, rising from the grave on the 3rd day, and ascending to heaven. I know God has a plan to heal my curshed. steam-rollered heart, but it just seems to take a lot of time. It is not some kind of instantaneous healing.

  586 days ago +37

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  Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

  As you ask God to direct you to Christian’s that you can grow with… here is something to think about before you jump to those websites that claim to be “Christian” – (they might be…or not) and web adds that say things like this:

  “Want to meet great Christian friends? Then you’ve come to the right place! FaithFriend is dedicated to helping Christians meet other Christian friends and penpals online. Registering is quick, easy, and FREE. Click here to join. Start your search for great Christian friends or send a faith card. You can also post a prayer request on our prayer board.”

  These sites are all the rage these days. But remember, READING is good Seriously, before you hunt down “Christian” friends on a website like this – read the website “about us” info. Social networking can be a great way to meet other Christians in the community. It can also be a really bad way to meet people who have bad intentions. Just wanted to throw that out here not that you are not all brilliant, gifted people who know better than to jump into any relationship sight unseen.

  586 days ago1 Reply +36

  • 

    B

    in reply to Wayne (Care Ministries)

    Love you PPastor Wayne – keeping it real!

    585 days ago

• 

  Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

  BTW – have any of you used websites like this to make Christian friends? What has been your experience? For the sake of saying it – please don’t share any person information or names that should remain private. Just share your general experience good or bad if you’ve had either – lessons learned etc.

  586 days ago +44

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  Chris A.

  I realized this proverb on my own quite a while ago. I found out (The hard way) that associating with the wrong people negatively influences your life and with the right people positively. It got to such a point that I ended up moving out of town (I now reside in Lansing and watch on-line) to leave behind the negative people and influences. I tried leaving them behind while in town but they knew where I lived and they wouldn’t take no for an answer. Needless to say they were very upset about my choice and that I labeled them a bad influence on my life but I was 23, living in my parents basement, no job, no schooling and just wasting away pointlessly. Since I moved out I have found a GREAT job, have a healthy savings account, make above the national average, own my own house and car (Dave Ramsey style) and most importantly have a relationship with God that was on the verge of dying before I left.

  586 days ago2 Replies +42

  • 

    Conversation LeaderJosh (Social Media Pastor)

    in reply to Chris A.

    Man Chris, what an inspiring story. If we could see the results of our choices before we made them we’d do it every time but it takes a ton of courage to step out and do it because you BELIEVE it’s the right thing to do. Good ol’ faith!

    586 days ago

  • 

    Pastor Wayne - NRC Community Care Pastor

    in reply to Chris A.

    Praise the Lord for Grace eh Chris! WOW – yea God yea You

    586 days ago

• 

  Nicole Cripps

  It’s great to read all of your comments! Different life experiences and perspectives can be so enlightening!

  585 days ago +38

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  Mike Johnson

  Lord Jesus, I am sorry I missed the message this week at NRC. I sure could have used its adivice. I met up with an old friend that I used to get in trouble with a lot for a fishing outing these past two days. Thinking we were just going to campout and fish for the two days I was incredible wrong. He invited another guy and they started partying at 11am yesterday and didn’t stop until 3-4 this morning. I feel like I just spent the night in a mud pit having to be there. Need to make sure I hit the reject call button on my cell next time he calls and asks if I want to go fishing. Well at least I was able to tell him my testimony and the way Christ delivered me from the path that hes following now. How the path hes on is totally destructive and eventually cost him everything. Hope it sinks in but tr talking to someone hows been drinking and smoking pot for 7 straight hours and find out that they reall don’t take in a whole lot. Can’t wait for this trip to be over. =-(

  585 days ago2 Replies +39

  • 

    Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

    in reply to Mike Johnson

    Mike, do you have a car, a friend you can call? We have Pastor’s that will come get you. You can remove yourself by just reaching out and you can do it tactfully.

    585 days ago

  • 

    Mike Johnson

    in reply to Mike Johnson

    I’m home now brother Wayne. Thanks for the offer to come and get me and the suggestions. The Lord must have heard my prayer and comment on here, because it started raining so hard where we were that the outing was cut short! lol. =-) He always come through!

    585 days ago

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  Steve (Small Groups)

  So my question in all of this is what is your exit plan in changing your circle friends? Is it as easy as just ignoring those who aren’t good influences? Do I just not return phone calls, texts, etc.? Do I need to be more proactive? When is it helpful and when is it hurtful?

  The collision of God’s truth with the reality of life is not always cut and dry, yet I can pray confidently knowing that the Spirit of God will guide me and direct me. Of course it’s my responsibiltiy to listen and act.

  585 days ago2 Replies +45

  • 

    Bernie R

    in reply to Steve (Small Groups)

    CommentAs I said above, my inner circle is changing by natural attrition, our different outlook on life and what’s important is eroding the ties that used to bind us together. I still share “things” with the friends I have had for 10, 15 or 20 years and I don’t know if that will change, but I share “life” with my small group. They have become as much a “family” to me as anything I have ever known. When there are issues in my life, the first people I think of is my small group, even if it’s just a prayer request email, they are the ones I turn to and they always come through!

    585 days ago

  • 

    Jim H

    in reply to Steve (Small Groups)

    Some of the more toxic and unhealthy people I had once associated with may have received an e-mail notifying them of the end of any relations or future communications. In some circumstances where people were severely hurtful to me personally, I had to act in order to maintain my peace and sanity. Then there is a thing called the “blocked senders” list on most all e-mail types. This either automatically deletes e-mails from unwanted known e-mail addresses, or sends them (in the case of Gmail) to your e-mail trash can. Such toxic and unhealthy people get sent to this location in my e-mail. In the past, I know I have chosen to call the telephone company to have my telephone number changed so that a certain very toxic person would not have my number any more.

    There are also ways to nurture those folks who are of benefit to your life. A hand-typed e-mail (not just some lame joke or forwarded Urban Legened…) can be sent to a cherished friend to tell them you are thinking and caring about them. If you get someone’s voicemail you can send an uplifting or positive message to them that they might review later, sometimes more than once.

    I am also connected to people via e-mail as a form of sharing prayer requests. I have also at different times felt moved by the Spirit and typed a live prayer back to someone I felt needed some encouragement.

    The closer I draw to God, the more I can identify unhealthy people. He is also bringing new friends into my life that are His people, who are moving onward and upward towards what God wants for their lives. These are the people I cling to, I lean on, I pray with, and I love so dearly. The others, the lost, those folks who I know don’t have a relationship with God yet… they are on my prayer list.

    584 days ago

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  Chris S

  At Wayne- I have tried on of those “Christian” sites and found out that most of the people there were not Christians and not trying to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Being a divorced dad with kids makes it really hard to meet anyone that shares your faith. I really don’t have friends. I tend to push people away because it’s easier and I don’t feel I’m worthy of having intimate friendships. But I’m also like Josh, where I tried to spend all my time with my boys when I have them. Makes finding a small group that works with my schedule impossible let alone meeting new people.

  585 days ago3 Replies +37

  • 

    Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

    in reply to Chris S

    Interesting, Renee’s discussion about serving would be something to consider given this conversation if you’re not serving already.

    585 days ago

  • 

    Chris S

    in reply to Chris S

    Yup already serve!

    584 days ago

  • 

    CathyM

    in reply to Chris S

    Chris, I understand not feeling worthy of having intimate friendships, but the truth of the matter is that God created us to be relational beings. Not being worthy is a lie of the enemy. He wants to keep you separated from people who can pour into you, encourage you and help you to become the man God wants you to be, the father your sons need you to be.

    Your comment about pushing people away because it is easier leads me to be it is a matter of trust, which is understandable after going through a divorce. Pushing people away only leads to more loneliness and isolation. Perhaps a support group for people who have gone through a divorce would be beneficial.

    I wish I had a group like that when I went through my divorce over 20 years ago. It was only a couple of years ago when I started attending Northridge full time that God really started to heal the hurting spots in my heart. I pray that you don’t have to wait that long.

    I just want to leave you with my favourite verse, John 8:32 which says, “Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Focus on the Truth, on building your relationship with our Heavenly Father and continue to pray for God to put people in your path who will walk with you on the path He has placed you on.

    Be blessed.

    583 days ago

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  Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

  I like what my friends at GotQuestions answer the question: “What does the Bible say about friends?”

  Human beings were created to be social creatures, meaning that we are most comfortable when we have family, friends and acquaintances. Friendship is an important element in a fulfilled, contented life, and those who have close friends, whether one or two or a multitude, will usually be happy and well-adjusted. At the same time, those who call themselves our friends may cause us grief and hardship, constantly disappointing us. So what exactly is a friend and what does the Bible have to say about friends?

  On the positive side, friends can console and help us when we are in trouble, as when Barzillai the Gileadite consoled David when he was being hunted by Saul (2 Samuel 19:31-30) or when Jephthah’s daughter’s friends consoled her before her death (Judges 11:37-38). A friend may also rebuke in love, proving more faithful than a hypocritical flatterer (Proverbs 27:6). One of the greatest biblical examples of friendship is David and Jonathan, son of King Saul. Jonathan’s loyalty to his friend, David, exceeded that to his own father or his own ambitions (1 Samuel 18:1-4, 20:14-17). So attached was David to his loyal friend that after Jonathan’s death, he wrote a song to him, a tribute filled with heart-wrenching pathos (2 Samuel 1:30-32). Theirs was a friendship closer than brotherhood. In the New Testament, many of Paul’s letters begin and end with tributes to his friends, those who ministered to him, supported him, prayed for him, and loved him.

  Friendship can have its negative aspects as well. Supposed friends can lead us into sin, as when Jonadab persuades Amnon to rape his half-sister, Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-6). A friend can lead us astray in regard to our faith, as they sometimes did in Israel, leading others to worship false gods (Deuteronomy 13:6-11). In those days, such an act was punishable by death. Even if our friends do not lead us astray, they can provide false comfort and bad advice, as Job’s friends did, making his suffering worse and displeasing the Lord (Job 2:11-13, 6:14-27, 42:7-9). Friends can also prove false, pretending affection for their own motives and deserting us when our friendship no longer benefits them (Psalm 55:12-14; Proverbs 19:4, 6-7). Friendship can be broken down through gossip (Proverbs 16:28) or grudges (Proverbs 17:9). Friends should be chosen very carefully because, as Paul told the Corinthians, “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

  Proverbs 1:10-19 and 4:14-19 contains warnings about friends and how we should choose them. We are not to associate with those who entice us to do wrong, no matter how appealing their “friendship” seems to be. Those whose “feet rush to sin” should be avoided. The path they choose is no place for a Christian whose choice should be to follow the “path of the righteous.” Only that path leads to friendship with God, which is the ultimate goal of a Christian.

  A great resource book: Faithfulness: The Foundation of True Friendship by Jacalyn Eyre.

  585 days ago +40

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  Teri Coan

  Just as many people above have said, I feel like this talk was written and spoken directly to me. My boyfriend was actually looking online at some of the scheduling stuff, such as who was playing and what songs and all that, and as soon as he saw the topic, really pushed that I should go even though I had homework. As soon as I got there, I knew right away it was something I needed to hear, and thanked him. All the way in Arizona and he’s still such a huge encouragement!
  Since starting college this fall, I’ve realized I have a bit of a problem making friends. See, a few months ago I was able to do the first step of cutting off toxic relationships in my life, people who I attached myself in high school before I got serious about my faith, I was able to kind of leave there. However, that left me with no actual “best friend” relationships in my life.
  Like I said, my boyfriend is a constant encouragement and support, and that’s great, but I feel stuck without a “girlfriend” I can talk to about anything or go to about advice or wisdom in any way. I think my biggest struggle is that I often feel that asking someone to be more than just a surface friend is asking too much. Also, many girls my age already have a “best friend” from high school so I feel like i’d just be intruding.
  I’m currently in the process of making NorthRidge my home, instead of a second church. I’ll be attending Discover NorthRidge for the first time friday and I’m extremely excited! I only hope that through this church, the occasional meeting of epic, or just simply spending more time in this building can bring me some good, intimate friends that are in line with the life i want to have for myself.

  585 days ago1 Reply Thanks for likeing+48

  • 

    samantha thompson

    in reply to Teri Coan

    hi terri! I can totally relate to feeling like you don’t have that “girlfriend” to talk to. After starting college 2 years ago, i met my boyfriend who quickly became my best friend. All of my girlfriends had gone of to school though and as great as he is, he can’t replace that friendship that girls develop. I would really encourage you to attend epic whenever you can and get involved in a community group, if you’re not already. This was a HUGE help for me. It was really difficult at first because I know what you mean about them seeming to already have friends but I met some of the greatest girls I’ve ever met through it. I will also be attending Discover NorthRidge this Friday–perhaps we’ll run into each other

    584 days ago

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  Ronald Ponkey

  I have had Weddings on both Saturday and Sundays but this weekend I have off…it will be good to return to Northridge…preferably the Saturday evening service….I need a spiritual fill up….AGAIN….

  585 days ago +44

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  Ronald Ponkey

  I am a little lost…being self employed and married to a non Christian, me being in my late 50′s I am trying to find the right Group for me….loneliness is a horrible think to live with each day of each hour….I am also a NRA member so I am trying to find just the right Group for me…if anybody can steer me in the right direction I appreciate it….

  585 days ago2 Replies +42

  • 

    Bernie R

    in reply to Ronald Ponkey

    Good Morning, you can look for groups in your area on the NorthRidge website and also, Steve (Small Groups) posted a few posts up from you. He could be a great resource to finding the right group and he is a great guy. You might want to reply to his post and see if he can point you in the right direction as well.

    584 days ago

  • 

    Carrie

    in reply to Ronald Ponkey

    Ronald, I have known many a couple who was married where one spouse was a non-believer and I have seen the one who was a believer walk with their focus remaining on Christ. I hear you when you say your are lonely. It’s a very real feeling. Your wife might not see the same things in Christ that you see, but you have to stay committed to showing her who Christ is. It is also very important that you keep in mind that Christ is the only one that will fill your void. No group or friend can even compare. He promises us that if we seek Him first that He will add all we need to the equation. So, while the friend and the group is important to us, it can’t be the void filler.

    584 days ago

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  Samantha Thompson

  This past summer, God blessed me with the amazing opportunity to intern in Discovery Island–specifically in the Special Needs Ministry. Through this experience, not only did I learn a lot but I was able to develop relationships with people that I never would have otherwise. Clearly now, this opportunity was about more than learning about Special Needs students–God gave me new friends. Before and through interning, I was really struggling with my co-workers. These people, who for a long time I considered my friends, where really begining to rub off on me–which wasn’t a good thing. Their sour attitudes were being reflected in my own, they didn’t challenge me, and I began to really dislike my job. It’s really crazy how much a persons attitude can rub off on your own and that’s why I found Brad’s talk this weekend so inspiring–if I’m surrounding myself with people who have negative attitudes, mine too is eventually going to become that way, whether I notice it or not. At work, i tried to remain positive but I always let my co-workers attitude affect my own–I tried being a light for Christ, but I was always dragged down it seemed. Thankfully, God has blessed me once AGAIN with the opportunity to continue to work at Northridge as an intern and was able to leave my previous job. Now, I’m surrounded by people who are always encouraging and positive with me and I believe that it’s really showing through me too! The staff at NorthRidge are the friends that I want to surround myself with–they challenge me to do my best in my work and my walk with Christ. THANK YOU, NORTHRIDGE STAFF!

  585 days ago +51

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  Ronald Ponkey

  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I am tired of kicking myself in the ##$%% when I allow myself to watch the News. Any person or government that elects to live each day without God is doomed to failure. The Media which used to be a good medium to inform people of what is happening in the world has become a Satanic tool of the devil. My all news media accounts We have lost the war both economically, politically, etc. This is a Satanic lie. Therefore I am closing the door on the News…at least until God is invited back into our world and government.
  I refuse to listen about the all the trash that the media vomits out….NO MORE! The fact is GOD IS IN CONTROL. Soon things will be set right. In the meantime, I will spend more time with God and Joyce Meyers, Purpose Driven, etc. Listening to the news is like emptying the trash of the world into your Living Room not to mention your own refuge. It stinks and pollutes.
  I will be more careful as to what I allow into my mind and spirit. The enemy is using the media to destroy and kill….both physically and spiritually.

  I pray today I will make more friends at Northridge and God will direct me to the correct Group so I can have good Christian Friends who will care about me and I will care about them……Today is the first day of the rest of my life….I THANK GOD FOR THAT….Northridge is my NEW family and I will always cherish that or this family….I feel re-energized today….from now on ….from today on……stay close to God….24 hours per day!

  584 days ago1 Reply +51

  • 

    Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

    in reply to Ronald Ponkey

    It’s great when God moves us to action Ron Yea God Yea You!

    584 days ago

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  Kirk Stevens

  As the song says “Onward Christian Soldiers”. We need to concentrate on the non-believers. All believers should be friends, intimate friends. After all, we will be spending eternity together. But, our purpose, as a Christ follower is to seek out the non-believers and be there when the secular world fails them. We need to put on God’s armor and face Satan head on. The best way to handle a non-believer is to gain their trust. Invite them to NRC, Brad has a fantastic way of drawing people to Christ. He tells them the truth, in a professional way, and he makes it very interesting, and non-threatening. We need to stick close to family members and non-believing friends so we are there when the time is right to get them involved. Everyone needs Christ eventually and we must remain patient. With God’s armor we should be able to face non-believers with compassion and understanding. We don’t need to force it upon them, just let them know that you will be available when the time comes. Let us be a force to be reckoned with.
  Satan would love for all believers to just hang out together and leave the secular world to him. We certainly need to hang out with all other Christians, but, as a group, as well as individually, we need to infiltrate the secular world and let them know we are still around, and we’re not goin’ away! By all means, use God’s armor, pray and stand up for God!

  584 days ago +38

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  Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

  No one from the NorthRidge Team is suggesting cutting out “all” non-believers from your life. All you have to do is know our NorthRidge purpose statement & values: http://northridgechurch.com/discover-us/what-we-believe/. However for the sake of blinding clarity we need to be transparent here and communicate the obvious – that each of us is on a different level of spiritual development. There are those who claim to be Christ Followers whether days, weeks or years but they still make poor choices due to their choice in friends. If that is you, you may need to break off those ties as it is reasonable/smart/obvious – reality – that when with those people – try as you may you are bring brought down and not living the life God wants you to live. As was mentioned in a few comments, we are to be light in darkness…but…if you are walking in the darkness because you’re not using the wisdom from God’s Word as Brad talked about – well – you need to make the tough choice and change your behavior. If this is you, you know that you must stop hanging around that person or those who you know are keeping you from living the life God wants you to live – for Him. NOW – I will tell you this… I had to go through this experience many years ago.
  When God changed my heart my behavior began to change. I had a passion for Him to change me from the inside out. I wanted to get my old nature out of the way as Colossians 3: 5-10 talks about. “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”
  He gave His all for me… and I wanted my desires to be His. When I let Him reign in my life it was interesting to see the friend shifts in my life. God was changing me and my old friends could see it. I didn’t become a Jesus freak (because most Jesus freaks are more freak than Jesus as you should know) … but what I did was love them as I became more Christlike in my behavior. There were certainly those that didn’t want anything to do with it – after loving reaching out to them – naturally they moved away from me. There were old friends that I knew I had to move away from. Like many of you, I had friends that I loved, created memories, but… as I look back…a lot of time was wasted when I knew I needed to move on. This is the truth, when I got on God’s clue train… I gained way more friends on both sides of the cross and God gets all the glory for that. I learned about getting on Christ’s agenda and off my own. I am still learning and growing His way. Its living with the understanding of what Jesus said in Luke 14: 26-27 to all those who want to be a Christ Follower. As a result, well… God has used me, so undeserved, but He has used me to bring others to Himself…He is so good. Giving Him control of our choices will give us wisdom on how we live with our friends – Christian/Christ Follower or Seeker/Lost/Non-Christian person that God loves & died for .

  584 days ago1 Reply +40

  • 

    Mike Johnson

    in reply to Wayne (Care Ministries)

    Well put brother Wayne =-)

    583 days ago

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  Mike Johnson

  I think that so many of us who are believers and Christ followers and up developing friendships with those that are un-believers because we feel that through a friendship we can reach them for Christ. Unfortunately, many times that doesn’t happen. And those that we are trying to bring up in to Christ end up dragging us down into the world. A wonderful youth Pastor I know demonstrated this once to her kids. She had a person stand up on a chair that was a little higher than normal, and had another person stand in front of them. The person on the chair tried to pull the person up on to the chair with them. It was difficult. Then the person on the ground tried to pull the person on the chair down on to the ground. In comparison, that was much more easier. Demonstrating that often, When we take on worldly friendships we get drug down more than built up. BUT, if you stand a second, third, or fourth, chair along side the first chair with people on them, the burden of pulling someone up is significantly more easier and accomplishable than by yourself. Teaching us that, yes, we need to reach the lost for Christ, but to never do it alone. Gather those around you that are all pulling in the same direction and your burden will be easier and the results will be positive.

  584 days ago +40

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  Ronald Ponkey

  Today is another day to serve the Lord….I am very happy I am separating myself from the World messes and putting my focus on God. I have so many personal messes to clean up ….but with God nothing is impossible….It is funny how the Devil continues to remind me of all of my messes….which are forgiven by God….but he still keeps trying…well he can forge it….I have gone around that mountain too many times….I also realize I have to accept my spouse as she is not as I want her to be….let God guide her destiny…..took a long time for me to get it but i finally ” GET IT.” I am looking forward to Church on Saturday since I have had Weddings on both Saturday and Sundays for the last two weeks or so…..I miss Brad…..and all of you!

  583 days ago +47

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  Steve

  When I think about it I can’t say that I have any really good true friends. Most are acquaintances which are not really friends & I very rarely it ever hear from them. It seems that I am the one that must keep the “friendship” going by making the phone call etc. otherwise it usually doesn’t happen. The “friends” that I do seem to have are ex-girlfriends or a guy that she is/was dating. I feel that this is very strange I don’t really know what to do about it. Other so called “friends” are married (I’m not) and it’s very rare for me to ever hear from them. From what I’ve seen & heard from others for years now is that married people don’t usually hang out with single people. Reason: A single person may influence a married person in a negative way. This sounds to me like a trust issue or immaturity issue because I’m not going to let a married friend do something to compromise his marriage. I’ve heard this “crap” from my sister and some other people too. I can see this being an issue if the married friend and the single friend were a man & a woman, but not if they are the same sex. I feel like I don’t really fit in with most people. No matter what I try it seems that I’m always on the outside. I’ve not had contact with anyone from high school or college since I left those schools & have not really wanted to because there are no good memories there. I have never gone to class reunion because I don’t want to see those people & relive those days & it’s been over 30 years. I’m blessed with some family members that really do love & care about me & I know that Christ is with me, but it still hurts knowing that I don’t have any true close friends. I pray that God will put some good true friends into my life & maybe someday one great woman. I have joined a mens small group through NRC, but have not really felt that I’m wanted or valued. I have been contemplating getting out of it and probably will. I may give it one more meeting, but that may not be until Jan. 2012 because so many of them are busy with G.O.C. and a few other things. I started going to church again several years ago because I need Gods guidance in my life. That was when Brad was doing his “Remote Control” series. It was a fantastic series and just what I needed to hear. I’ve been working on myself and have made some progress that I didn’t see myself…….other people told me that they could see changes in me. That was great. I still struggle as we all do, but I’m still not happy at all with my life. I hate being single, but I’m not going to rush into another relationship with another woman. I’ve done that way too many times and none have been blessed by God. I want His people in my life, I NEED it. If this seems like a mess I sorry, I just feel that way too many people are not sincere & really just don’t care. Seen it way too often & far too long.

  583 days ago2 Replies +48

  • 

    Bernie R

    in reply to Steve

    Steve, just because you don’t feel like you’re fitting in with your current small group, don’t give up. There are a lot of new men’s small groups getting ready to start up and you might just find one that works better for you. Good luck and God Bless!

    582 days ago

  • 

    Jim H

    in reply to Steve

    Hi Steve,

    I can relate to many of the things you wrote about. If I have any friend or acquaintances it does seem like I am the one perpetuating the friendship by making calls or writing e-mails. And I mean actually sitting down and typing out an e-mail, I can’t stand people sending me jokes or Urban Legend stories via e-mail. I usually ask people to NOT send that kind of stuff. Mainly because I consider it repulsive and offensive, and I consider a hand-typed message worth a lot more in value. So if someone takes the time to actually write me back more than 5 words in an e-mail, they generally make it up one step on my friendship totem pole…

    I feel your pain about the struggle for finding a small group, too. The “Find-A-Group” web page at NRC might look great on paper, but my reality of using it has led to mostly near misses or people who don’t ever answer the e-mails the system sends them. Its also blatantly “blind-date-ish” cold as far as meeting new people. With a 14,000-strong church it seems like there would be a more effective word-of-mouth connection system. Like… why not have a “Discover Northridge” type meeting, with a meal and what-not for people that want to join a small group? Get about 200 people in a room, and let them mingle, then see if there are any common bonds so that quality small groups can be forged. I’ll be the first one to volunteer helping something like that get set up. I’d be happy to clean the tables, sweep the floors or what ever if such a cool meeting could take place. We got lots of Wednesdays to use since we only do New Life once a month. Small groups are so important (as I keep hearing from the pulpit and every other angle of the church…) then maybe every other Wednesday ought to be a “Small Group Mingle.” !?!?

    Food and friends and good one-on-one fellowship around the table… makes sense to me… What a great way for folks to meet with the intention of joining a small group.

    Various small group leaders could be in attendance, and… well guess what… maybe we need some more leaders, so information about becoming a small group leader might be made available at such a meeting. Then, some one wise in the need for small groups could give a compassionate talk on the effectiveness of small groups.

    I think something like this would be much more effective than constantly telling people to “go to the web”… “Go to the web” is (to me) becoming a cold broken record that doesn’t work. Once you have sent a message to everyone in your area, it does not let you post a second follow-up message to find out maybe why they haven’t answered your first message. It gives an error at the top of the Find-A-Group page >> “The following error occurred… This user is already a prospect for this group.”

    Creating small groups takes a human’s touch. It just can’t be left alone to the coldness of a computer. Computers only have ones and zeroes, and a trickle of human-made electricity across their circuits.

    God told US to “go ye therefore”… he didn’t say “Go to the web…”

    We need a “Small Group Mingle” meeting in the activity room, preceded by a good ala carte Northridge dinner (which we can pay for…). Just makes good sense…

    I will have to say one thing, Steve. Making new friends takes effort on your part. You can’t just pray (something like) “God, please, please, please send me friends.” and then not get into the hallways at church and start shaking some hands. You gotta be proactive, share your phone number, share your e-mail address.

    Something I do before and after every service >> I come early, and I stay late. For one (at Plymouth) this beats the traffic, haha. But more importantly, I walk through the halls from the entrance to the cafe sometimes several times before and after the service just looking for someone to say hi to, or shaking a few hands. I have found some of the most interesting conversations happen this way. Plus, I might see someone I know and if I were to have just walked in and grabbed a seat without walking around a bit, I would have never seen my friend.

    And… if you are in a group and you do not feel like you are connecting… SPEAK UP !! Tell the folks in the group, while the group is meeting that you don’t feel like you are connecting. You might just discover a compassionate, caring Christian person who cares enough to minister to your need. Perhaps “you have not because you ask not.”

    I am a very lonely man. I have few friends here in Ann Arbor and I am determined to make quality friendships. I have no family close by, so the church is my source of socialization. Being single… usually I am most famous for being the third cog in the wheel if doing things with my married friends. I’ll go out to eat or something with Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so, and I’m the third party with no mate. Its not easy for me to see the inner workings of a family group since I have most always been single. I had a good friend who was always putting me off or stalling any meet-and-greets we had planned. I thought for a while he didn’t like me. But I realized later he simply had a lot of duties as a husband and father of four young children. I do not nor have ever had any children, so I don’t understand that dimension. It wasn’t that he didn’t like me, it was because he had obligations to his family.

    Keep coming back, Steve, and keep trusting Jesus to open your eyes to the truth and give you understanding, and to give you patience with people. People are not perfect, and they might not live up to your expectations. So maybe you may need to modify your expectations in order to understand the imperfect people.

    I wish you the best.

    582 days ago

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  Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

  I love this topic & Brad’s Godly wisdom to have a talk in this NRC-!2 series on it.
  One big point to me – is God is obviously all about people and the goal for we Christ Followers – all of us once strangers to Him because of our sin… because of His Grace – He now calls friends. That’s a huge WOW – the God of the Universe call us friends.

  This is an interesting article about friendships that was compiled by a pioneer in the early contemporary Christian music days, Nancy Honeytree! AND all of you older friends who followed Christian music just smiled didn’t you? LOL. When Nancy came in concert she shared her struggle with friendships and her singleness. Since those days she has become and author and speaker. She has some good stuff to say about friendship here:

  5 Traits of True Christian Friends
  So, what does a true Christian friendship look like? Let’s break it down into traits that are easy to identify.

  1. Christian Friends Love Sacrificially
  John 15:13
  Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)
  Jesus is the finest example of a true Christian friend. His love for us is sacrificial, never selfish. He demonstrated it not only through his miracles of healing, but more fully through the humble service of washing the disciples’ feet, and then ultimately, when he laid down his life on the cross.

  If we choose our friends based only on what they have to offer, we’ll rarely discover the blessings of a genuine friendship. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” By valuing your friend’s needs above your own, you’ll be on your way to loving like Jesus. In the process, you’ll likely gain a true friend.

  2. Christian Friends Accept Unconditionally
  Proverbs 17:17
  A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (NIV)
  We discover the best of friendships with brothers and sisters who know and accept our weaknesses and imperfections.

  If we’re easily offended or hold on to bitterness, we’ll have a hard time making friends. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes now and then. If we take a truthful look at ourselves, we’ll admit that we bear some of the blame when things go wrong in a friendship. A good friend is quick to ask forgiveness and ready to be forgiving.

  3. Christian Friends Trust Completely
  Proverbs 18:24
  A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (NIV)
  This proverb reveals that a true Christian friend is trustworthy, indeed, but emphasizes a second important truth as well. We should only expect to share complete trust with a few loyal friends. Trusting too easily can lead to ruin, so be careful about putting your confidence in a mere companion. Over time our true Christian friends will prove their trustworthiness by sticking closer than a brother or sister.

  4. Christian Friends Keep Healthy Boundaries
  1 Corinthians 13:4
  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy … (NIV)
  If you feel smothered in a friendship, something is wrong. Likewise, if you feel used or abused, something is amiss. Recognizing what’s best for someone and giving that person space are signs of a healthy relationship. We should never let a friend come between us and our spouse. A true Christian friend will wisely avoid intruding and recognize your need to maintain other relationships.

  5. Christian Friends Give Mutual Edification – build one another up – grow from our mistackes… so that we can live out Christ’s purpose in our lives to serve and reach other for Him.
  Proverbs 27:6
  Wounds from a friend can be trusted … (NIV)
  True Christian friends will build each other up emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Friends like to be together simply because it feels good. We receive strength, encouragement, and love. We talk, we cry, we listen. But at times we also have to say the difficult things our dearest friend needs to hear. Yet, because of the shared trust and acceptance, we are the one person who can impact our friend’s heart, for we know how to deliver the hard message with truth and grace. I believe this is what Proverbs 27:17 means when it says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

  My hope is that these five traits will show you areas that may need a little work in your effort to build stronger friendships. But if you don’t have lots of close friends, don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, true Christian friendships are rare treasures. They take time to nurture, but in the process we grow more Christlike.

  Obviously this is talking about those very close Godly friends with those that geneuinely desire Christ to be frist. The kind that we need and actually will benefit us in helping with our friends that have not crossed the line of faith yet.
  Good stuff eh?
  Go Tigers

  583 days ago +41

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  Conversation LeaderRenee (Children's Ministry)

  God created us to be in community with Him and in community with other people.

  For example, Jesus had a lot of contact with a large crowd of followers. He built closer friendships with the twelve disciples. Then of those twelve disciples, he developed an even deeper relationship with Peter and James and John. In addition, Jesus was closer to John than he was to the other two.

  If we invest ourselves into the lives of people the way Jesus did, we will find those friendships where there’s mutual trust and mutual commitment to each other and mutual growth, both in our friendships and in our spiritual walk as well.

  583 days ago +40

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  Conversation LeaderWayne (Care Ministries)

  Here are a couple of quotes that I liked enough to share here with you:
  Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. Author: C.S. Lewis

  By friendship you mean the greatest love, the greatest usefulness, the most open communication, the noblest sufferings, the severest truth, the heartiest counsel, and the greatest union of minds of which brave men and women are capable.
  Author: Jeremy Taylor

  Next to hypocrisy in religion, there is nothing worse than hypocrisy in friendship.
  Author: Joseph Hall

  Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious.
  Author: Thomas Aquinas

  There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.
  Author: Thomas Aquinas

  I am convinced, by the way, that friendships provide the most fertile soil for evangelism. When the reality of Christ is introduced into a relationship of love and trust that has already been established, the effect is powerful. And it seems that invariably, when someone becomes a true follower of Christ, that person’s first impulse is to want to find a friend and introduce that friend to Christ.
  Author: John MacArthur

  Jesus made us to be in relationship with each other. None of us were made to live in silos. Anyone who thinks differently does not understand God’s passion to make strangers into friends. Pastor Wayne Kurtycz
  This has been another important NorthRidge Conversation – thanks to all who joined in!

  582 days ago +49